unemployed and loving it.

so i decided to leave behind the wireless industry that has diluded me for the past year. what a waste of time. selling cell phones is an important part of our cultural time. many people are upgrading their devices in order to subscribe to the internet. however, what does it all mean?

are phones the future? probably not. it seems as if that tablets are now becoming the new cultural art form in order to display social consciousness. tablets are in part a duty of your time to showcase situational prowess.

do you need to google someone? do you need to know your favorite artist's new song? do you need to showcase your potential thru social netoworking and alternative media outlets?

Verizon the trailblazer of the cellular community has made a vast impact on the cultural blaze that transcends onto the American cultural scene. Cdma technology in its effort has created a global effort within the United States and looks to expand on its efforts in order to comprise the market. ...your answer? the Iphone.

Your answer? An antiquated technology on a limited network. What do we have to look forward to? It doesn't seem as much. Most people find reliability amonst other networks including the heavily favored AT&T. One thing Verizon lacks to be put simply is...cool factor. AT&T is the leading powerhouse amonst individuals aged between 21-34. The majority of the smartphone network. In addition, most of these people choose the heavily socially favored Android technology.

The 4G LTE network has not been challenged enough in order to justify its sentiment. Data clockage is expected and will soon diminish the impact of the second rounders. The exclusivity agreemtn will end, howeve Verizon will not be the only carrier which will house the iphone. This impact will remain less then expected and the trend of switchers will continue. Verizon still remains your leading network in order to accomodate your business needs. Verizon network will supply you with the tools in order to assist your business both socially and creatively.

Sprint and T-Mobile need not apply.

you move ahead 1, you fall back 7

i do not wish any harm on all of the mother fuckers that have done me dirty within my life. i can fucking name all of them....of how many have given a shit and turned around to say that they were sorry...

i do not know anymore, i really don't. i dont forgive ever...i hold grudges and i fucking hate those around me...

who cares about online bullshit anymore?

i hate you jay or whatever your name is. i do not fucking understand you nor do i need anything from you. you do not like i there...get the fuck out and go fucking die or whatever you want to do. nobody fucking cares. nobody fucking cares anymore about you...

life isn't what it turned out to be, even in all of life's stresses i still found a time to feel comfortable...and feel fine and feel welcomed by life...and feel as if i could possibly do something that created the potential to be great at something...

wtf! happened!! WHAT?!!?!?! at this point, i am almost passionless....i have ran away from living a life and having fun and into a stream of consciousness that does not deviate away from responsibility and this delusioned idea of being a cool kid.

isn't a cool kid someone who maintains a lifestyle and a life....is being a teacher your passion? idk but it has always come up within my field and life. always.

i think it's about time that you get it together and do the damn thing...you get to a certain point and you figure out that it might be important for you...

this blog isn't genuine. i dont even know what happened today...things just blow up and go out of control....i am so tired of it...i am this close to just moving out, i can't deal with it anymore...i am soooooooooooo serious. and sooooooooooooooooooo over it.

it's time to move on. it's time to move on. it's time to move on.

i am so dissapointed on the pics. i have gotten fat. i need to lose this weight and go back to eating well and at home...i can't deal with that anymore...my room will get finished and school will officially begin.

at that time i will become stronger again.

not the vacation i was expecting

well it's my first vacation in about 10 years. i paid for my tickets and decided to visit my sister in st. petersberg florida. i can admit i have had a decent time filled with some great highs and definitely some mediocre points.

the surprise of seeing my sister was wonderful, i greatly appreciated the effort it took on everyone's part to have this vision come into a reality. it was awesome. she threw the umbrella it was pretty hilarious.

as we pushed forward into the night we went to the mall and had a relaxing time as we started to bond. at the end of the day i like gil. he's not a bad guy. but i must admit he's not my favorite boyfriend. my sister has been with some high quality men, and this one doesn't qualify for a cell phone. it is what it is.

when i first saw their apartment i thought i was in the waiting area for hell. it was grusome and i expected tyrannical squirells to claw my face. but that didn't happen so that's good. i immidately proposed we go look for an apartment.

we found the reserve and within the renting office was a fabulously unfabolous gay man named damn. he pronounced "Lease" ....LEEHHISE. it was funy. had to be there. oh so gay. soo soo gay.

well after mini episode after mini episode of slight retardation...they finally realized that they can doooo it. and they have a beautiful apartment with a lake view and literally walking distance to that pooool. i am feeling that. that is some hot shit. awesome apartment.

well aside from not really doing much. i got to see the dali museum which was awesome. i loooooved almost every second of seeing that museum so worth it to me. and the docent tour it was fantastic. it reminded me of how much i appreciate art. and miss going to the museum and taking advantage of the exciting opportunites there are in nyc.

i really appreciated everything that they did for me and tried to do for me, it was fantastic. i then went to the beach with my sister and we spoke about everything else and it was fun for me.

unfortunately my gut feeling is that this man is not the one for her and will not be. i am very against it. however, it is what it is. aint nobody getting married until i can get married. throw that politics in the mix.

the beach was amazing i had a great time. i saw some awesome things. i went out dancing for a little bit...my friend's car got stolen which i felt like was my fault. and now after a short time with the poool.....we FOUND HER CAR!!! AND I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY!!

definitely some ups and some downs. but we made it. we did it. and now i'm here and the night is turning into later. but it's ok.

i'm going to miss my sister...i <3 her.

i do. i hate when we bring up the conversations that drift us. but when we get along...we're fluid.
that's my bitch.

so what does it all mean?

you travel through life and attempt to take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. however, you are childishly unhappy. childishly because you won't admit to it. you will not own up to the fact that changes need to be made.

these changes include:
forcing yourself to go to the gym.
eating waaaaaaay less fatning foods.
cleaning up your room.
doing your laundry.
maintaing your skin.
going to the doctor.
drinking only only only water.

these changes need to be made before you start school, maybe you can request a week off or something? maybe that's in the cards for you.

you really don't have any idea.

but you could try.

right now my job consists of people that i do not want to get to know any further. although they attribute characteristics that i would normally find desireable, i must face facts...i am not a manhattan person. i do not like the city nor do i want to work in the city any longer. it was fun while it lasted.

but queens is home. and queens is where i dwell and where i am successful i understand queens. i get it. the city is a forced way of socializing that i have never been about. it's time to make the moves in order to do the right things and take advantage of what i need to take advantage of.

a 450 store in the old store's market might be poetic justice for what i was put through with that location, they made me feel like a failure. like i had done something to them and deserved to feel that way. at the end of the day you are the only one with a degree. not them.

they can go kill themselves as we slowly watch that location dissapate. i do not know if i wish them any ill...but they deserve to feel a temporary burden in the same manner that they made me feel. it isn't fair.

in terms of my location now, it's not worth it to me. 181? REALLY!. this is what i have come to.
the ghettoness....i can't live with it anymore.

i need to go into a location where i can capitalize and create the best for myself and create good numbers and work the minimum and captialize on the benefits. this is the only way i am going to be successful.

finally my art will become an activity as opposed to a desire. innovation can come into fruition if i choose to. 18 months of writing courses sounds like a blessing during this time and i hope to make the best out of it.

in the next few weeks i have a lot of things to take care of in order to become successful again. if it means buying the tools necessary in order to maintain a healthy and happy living space then so be it.

i deserve it.

you have been through too much in your personal life to have become this way again. you are not like this...only a few time have you been like this. and it is time for you to become yourself again.

working in an area where you chill...that makes sense.

going to school for writing....fucking finally.

THESE ARE THE MOVES NECESSARY!

NOW DO IT!

new day.

i have this never ending suspicion that for some reason i am going to get the boot from my job, idk why i assume this because in all actuality i have no reason to be scared...



if it was meant to happen it would have happened by now...



fortunately for you...you have no quams or worries with anybody....



with your two keys, you did give off a slight atitude however you were going thru something serious and you did not know what else to do and you felt aggravated at the time. maturity needs to kick in here.



like you have previously mentioned, if you knew anything prior you would have known.



there is so much going on elsewhere in terms of new recruitment that you should feel fine that you will be successful in what you do.



in regards to everything else, you called 3 stores and asked to see if they were hiring. one store you actually gave your name but it seemed to have been in a cool way not a way in which it was negative...therefore everything should be alright.



you called the manager there and both managers seemed to be okay about it...so it should be fine.



she said "cool" which probably means that it is cool. so you really don't have anything to worry about.



if you do mention it, you simply state. well i was wondering what was going on and i wanted to see what my options could be because of the general discomfort with a specific person. i think you are completely within your limits. however, you might want to downplay this before it gets back to your mm and then you have negative feedback and a negative portrayal.



keeping in mind, you seem to be doing satisfactory work and being successful therefore reach out for the next step and take advantage of what you can...does this imply you might hold keys? do you really want that added responsibility thrown onto your plate in a time of school?



keeping in mind i will be going to school full time once again come the end of august...not fun nor exciting however that is the nature of the beast....this is what you have to do in order to be successful in the long run.



i refuse to have a job that is solely dependent upon the likes of people's needs and or wants. if i choose to work with people it is going to be based on what they require me in order to do. i do not play that shit.....getting my master's as i get paid a decent salary is the smartest move for me. two years to finish my master's as i am gaining the experience needed to hold down the position. it would only take 3 more years aftewards in order to make $70,000. I will be approximately 29 making this salary, not too bad considering i will also be experienced and well traveled.



my goal in life is to see the whole entire world. not just one continent twice. i want to see the whole world. every summer i will travel to a different nation in order to fully embrace their culture, and identiy. with this travel i plan to bring back good food, good wine, and a brand new insight. only a well traveled mind can truly illustrate their thoughts. what will the rest bring me? who is to say? but i will not be broke.

superhero.

when did i become consumed into social garbage? when did i care so much about being socially relevant opposed to being intellectually agressive?

you were always meant for great things, because you are great.

it doesn't matter about people, it is what matters about you.

i do not have the patience for other people, and what there specific expectations are. i have the energy and the drive to become unstoppable...

so i have decided on Marketing. idk why people expect me to become a teacher, i think that i am far from capable of achieving dreams...

could you be in the office running events, and sponsoring events...and doing product placements and coming up with campaigns and structures...ummm let's see. yes, yes i can.

i think that it would be so much fun for me to dwell in and i also believe that you tend to get jealous here others talking about public relations and marketing so it seems that it makes sense for you to just do it.

are you ghetto? maybe, but i am not a mess.

i think that marketing makes a bunch of sense, and in this economy go with your gut.
there are so many positive, productive companies that you can work for.

you only have one life to live, i think what is most important to me is makign some form of difference while i am here on this planet, i do not need to be famous for something insignifcant.

however, one day you will be famous. and one day you will be unstoppable.

you are unstoppable now.

it is time to take advanatage of all the opportunities...that are in front of you.

take your courses do not waste your time, and be what you are meant to be

which is influencing the population with the media. hope that this college will intellectually stimulate you, and if so...become greater. and be wiser.

t-mobile is here for now, and it is meant for you throughout your duration.

why must u change ur mind oh so so much.

Marketing seems like a good idea for me, totally responsible and makes sense. not over the top, and can be totally fun fun fun....especially if i major in an advertising field.

i'm hella creative, fun, smart, and awesome....

that's really all that's needed.

it truly is a new beginning...

to all my fans from abroad...thank you for your support.


lol. today was fun, i got me a haircut...kind of fun and about time kind of thing. i enjoy having a short haircut and i think it's time.

it's my 3rd week at my new job, and i have about 3 weeks to go in my classes. waiting for everything to come back down to normal...how does one handle? going to school full time and working almost full time...

it has come down to a point where i believe that 3 days might only be my availability when it comes down to work...i can't afford a part part time job but it may just have to be that way in order for me to feeel normal.

i recently got accepted into York college, and i am wondering what i should do with that. should i go for an accounting degree in order to make a considerable amount of money and shine shine shine...

or should i pursue other fields of interest? i sometimes wonder if my destiny is to be a teacher but i feel that passion can be pursued later in life...at least on a career/academic level.

in the moment now, i think that it is imperative to execute what i need to get done...which includes getting a Bachelor's degree and moving forward with my life financially...

propreuner + 1 year at the hip hop conservatory.

car + place.

LIFE.

hmm. idk if i know...

idk what would make me happier. i feel like i am content. i have grown to be content. i feel strong and i feel that my lack of emotion persuades me to induce a positive shell. although, i do not know if i am strong enough to be okay...i know that i am capable and i have a lot of alterior methods of coping, which do not involve drugs. but i insist on some form of addictive side reality that i engage with in order to pass the time. what does that mean?

i know what i am capable of, and i know that i need to be stronger and not be the jerk asshole that i have been for some time...what should i do with my life? the real question consistently involves your own inner happiness and how that can be translated into a positive work ethic that provides you with a virture.

the virtue of work. never put down hard work at any cost. but in my time now, i have found a job that involves making money for minimal physical effort. although i do not have the physical arena addressed consistently, i do possess the effort...hardly. it is hard to get up and go to work and then go to the gym, and avoid all of the devious temptations that this world has to offer.

what i need to do and focus on is remaining successful, and i have to focus on what is the proper channels in order to maintain a steady focus and create success for myself...and whatever i choose to do that with...

i have definitely finished my transition in many ways, and surpassed what i thought what i would be. my sweet nature still generates a positive outlook that is admired, and attractive.

what i need to do now is focus on inner strength and combining a focus in order to make a positive move in my life. what that is...well i do not know. i figure that i want to be successful with some form of acting and creativity. because i am creative enough to make new ideas relevant and create possibilites that are translatable.

but i hate science. i do not know.

my relevance needs to be served, and i need to create an environment where to execute this. some from of dexter...dexter's are always smart for some reason. i do not know why.

naturally

of course on my day off, i have to go deal with mother's day...

personally i would have liked to have been left alone...

i love my mom so i did it for her, but what a fucking pain in the ass...why does my fucking card get ran twice? why the fuck do we get treated like we are some assholes...cuz guess what we are not...

i was about to cause a fucking scene...idk what to do anymore honestly it is such a fucking pain and so fucking annoying...

i am so over it. i fucking hated that place, hated the environment...and do not want to have gone there when for half the price...could have had something way better....i'm so fucking over it.

so fucking over it.

well this is where it starts, i guess. people think that you are an asshole or something...and feel that they have the right to charge your account twice. dude you must be out of your fucking mind!

tomorrow i will call...and hopefully everything will get taken care of.

i will make sure that everything works out.

way too fucking much

you are in my head, way too much.

i can't get all of the negative bar fight situations out of my head.

i need to move on and move past it.

i gave someone my phone.

for $45 which is 30 less then anything else, but she is my friend and i was half in the bag.

i know that i can find friends, i know that i can be strong, i know that i can learn everything...

so weirded out

everyday i find a way to make myself feel like shit.

every moment i find a way to feel uncomfortable.

all the time i feel like a stranger in my own head.

i need help.

i think i might need to seek professional help.

i feel like my wrists have handcuffs on them.

i feel like my heart is skipping a beat.

i feel like i get tired.

i feel like this is nonsense.

i feel like i have become nonsensical.

i feel like i have no friends.

i know i have no friends.

i have no friends.

i am lonely, i constantly remind myself of the altercation that took place, i am free, free from it...based on what i needed in order to feel better about myself...

he did not want to allow me to feel good at all, i guess he never wanted me to feel good...what he didn't realize was that what would fuel me...

enter into the darkness you find a certain path, a path that leads to humor, no self doubt, no nothing...you are trapped in the box.

the box that provides you with the creative energy needed to explore other avenues of entertainment.

you are nothing. yet, i continuously write about you. all of you.

you tortured me, you made me look like a fool, you embarassed me.

you are horrible. you are weak. you are lame. you are useless.

you are single. you are sick. you have vertigo.

you have no place to dwell. you have nothing.

you have no idea who i am. and you have no idea what i am capable of.

you have no idea what lends its hand towards.

i am what i am. you are what you are.

surprise suckers. you didn't take anything. i gave you the mirage...

that is my best kept secret.

argh do i hate school

i hate school, i hate linguistics, i hate biology, i hate having an extra online class.

i hate everything, i hate everything about everything.

i hate that my room is a disgusting mess.

i hate that my body has gotten overweight to a point where it doesn't need to go.

i hate that i had several altercations in my life that lead me to not want to be around anybody.

i hate everyone around me. i hate everything going around.

i do not know what i want to do with my life and that creates the most anger, i wish that i found something funny...i am not young enough for the younger generation, and i am not old enough...for the people that i would of enjoyed more then others. i do not know anymore, what is right, and what is wrong. i want to find a way to figure something out because that is the only way for me to move forward.

i wish i could figure something out that would make sense than i would be doing it, if i wanted to do marketing, i would be branding something. i should do something in sales, but part of me questions if i want to even do anything that offers a business vibe. maybe it is time to be a grown up. but what does that entail? what does it entail when yo

u worry about other people consistently?

a nutcase. why did i only hangout with nutcase freaks? or simple people? why didn't i choose to hangout with people that were interesting and that would provide good value as my friend?

now i am almost friendless, no best friends, no life, no love.

no work, no passion, nothing.

i feel that this blog is getting stupid, i feel everything is getting lame. idk what to do anymore, i have no idea, there are no questions needed to be answered, so i have to figure everything out.

comedian is no longer my dream. is writing. what creative avenue could you want to be apart of? WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!!!!!!!

please i need help, i need to know what i am meant to do...i need to know. should i just do sales? Real Estate is probably what I am meant to do, otherwise i just have no idea. no idea what so ever.

soooo....

have u ever gotten a glimpse of your future?
has someone ever told u that the possibilities are endless for you?

that you were capable, of doing some great things...

i hated them, i hated them so fucking much that i hoped that they got run over by a mother fucking tractor blasting fucking bon jovi...because they needed to be shot with the heart of the 80's

they were so annoying, non stop recognition for apparently what was modern, but they didn't even know wtf was modern at all...they were quick to be focused in their own arrangment of rearranged facts...i could not deal with their bullshit, why were they acting the way that they were?

they had nothing giving the the step that they had placed themselves on...and then they thought that they were helping you...maybe they were, i can't blame them for what they did it turned out that they were good people after all, i knew i couldn't hate them for some reason...there was definitely a part of me that hated all of them...

commonly you would think that this was my butt, but it wasn't...i started to think that that is what they would say, but it wasn't...i think it was a sweet sensitive side to me....that doesn't help things..
idk, what it was? would anyone believe me even if i suggested it wasn't my butt...

idk my butt should stay out of this dialogue with a keyboard. but idk butt.

you begin to move forward and you start to wonder, why are you wondering. you begin to question what you are not doing...instead of what you could be doing. right now, i'm still avoiding this paragraph by still reevaluating what my butt has to do with anything...i have a constant need to agaonize over this. idk why...but i do appreciate it.

without a baby daddy....who are you?

eye know something.

i know that i grow increasingly more bored, but don't wanta stop.

grab the dancing shoes.

when did life become so simple?

so that's what it was, people making things simple.

that sucks. how can someone of your 'calibur' be so easily fucked with?

why would u not engage...



who the fuck careS?

it's time to hit the gym.
i need to start working.
and.
become.
something worthwhile.


what is that? should i study film? asian balls.

they are just annoying. and in actuality they are dorks.

i guess i was a popular kid. either way, what does it matter?

everyone wants an adventure...

we are all looking for an adventure, to be exposed to an adrenaline filled journey that never seems to end. some turn to their careers to fulfill their sense of adventure, others hold off on the big step and use their young moments to capitalize on their energy.

where do you fall? are you standing at your job consistently texting robots on AIM for information that does not provide you with shit. or are you walking your fingertips upon the same carabeener that you start to think is lucky, but in reality you are in pittsburgh.

idk which prong of this fork is better, idk which one you will choose. I do know that both ways start to lead you into a place of expecting more. I want I want.


I want to live, and live freely.

where do i go?

how will i find my smarts again?

fuck them they are dirty skank ass bitches that should be shot and put to death.

do not talk or engage with anyone that is not worth your time and patience.

everyone should die and get shot and then get shot again.

they have negative karma.

they all have been dealt negative karma but so have i...well not really.

but LaGuardia doesn't challenge you and you are sooooooooo fucking over that school like no joke, at all. you almost hate that place hardcore status.

lol you need some new scenery, i think you need to drive. the train is a bitch and if you just work in the city...then you will be A-ok. hopefully it is a super busy store and it does not require you to fee like ass. 63rd drive made me feel really awkward, severly under appreciated and negative. the experience was very strange and i am happy to be moving forward.

fuck you 63rd.

i sort of need a new environment and new digs.

hey hey hey

i have evaluated the experience over and over again.

it was beyond fucked up a situation that nobody will ever understand.

i spent way too much time agonizing over it.

but accepting it, i can finally heal.

i was drunk.
i was emotional.
that's it. move on.

do you believe in it.

do i personally believe that he got the best of my anthony bourdain style of talking...

i sure hope not, because even after the effects...i was still fine, i still did mine...

because i had no sense of insecurity or negativity...

i need to find my inner peace...

i need to be back to me and what i have always done and been about...

meditation is key.

proper marijuana usage is important.

reading is essential.

you gotta come back to your senses...

you have to be yourself....

you were awesome and you will always be awesome, you have to go back to who you are...

life starts a new, and it is time to move on from what would and will be the worst experience of your life....your life.

feeling ambidextrous

well my credit score is up! feeling that...

grown and sexy

it is time for me to accomplish the goals that i had set forth...

my goals are two-fold, to live comfortably but not consistently the same.

i do not need to be famous or recognized on the street in order for me to be conscious or aware...

i am a genius. i do not need to engage myself in pretentious groups...

i can find myself in a great place and in a positive view....

theater and italian.

it's calling to me, it makes perfect sense for me to engage in both of these activities...it is me?

i don't know if i want to teach, that would definitnely be my career of choice, but not a vicious sad retard on the low....not cool dude. not cool.

I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!

ugh. it was good to have moved on, and those people should have never offended your intelligence because it was not that serious...it was just a silly situation that was all in good fun.

you took the wrong way and made a complete scene...and at the end of the day. that is all that it was.

anthony it was all jokes, but you understand what people do now, and in other news....do what u gotta do.

you're going to die...

dude...but you are gonna die.

what is there needed to be done?

nigga u getting fat! and it is time to take control of this weight and truly get rid of it...

it's about time...it is rudimentary.

changing the mind

changing the mind would accomplish a series of goals that would lead you into higher learning and appreciation for the next great step...

but what is the next step...what does this step involve...

where is the next step? what do u wish to accomplish?

it seems that i have earned a spot on the team at t-mobile/astor & broadway

i look forward to this opportunity, it seems as if i might have gained a greater opportunity that would not have been exposed while working at Rego Park...

let's get serious, who wouldn't want to work at the city? c'mon now really?

who wouldn't want to enjoy the life of being in the city as you move forward with new ideas and hopefully what seems as a new life....i can not wait to take the next step....

i think i look forward to new accomplishments, and new goals, and new dreams...building a lifestyle...and taking it forward...

i'm thinking of joining the navy

i have walked around almost every situation and asked as many questions as possible probing into my options in order to decide what i should do with my life...

i still have no fucking idea, i do not have a passion for doing that...i should just try and make it happen...

what would i be, sacrificing a dream in order to do what seems responsible...that is not my nature and that is not my soul...

i had a miraculous night, i earned a spot in a network of people that had the ability to provide insight...pretty cool and i understand the ethics of having a tight group...

i hated them, and continuously do...they never took what they were doing all that seriously...maybe i shouldn't of had...perhaps it ruined my brilliance...idk what to say to them...i did a lot, earned a lot...and was respected on so many levels for holding on to who i was enough to showcase my self...

idk anymore if i was wrong, i know that i wasn't but i know i made many people cry...and i appreciated that...

from what i know...it was all realm.

except for him...he should of not been there...he was not capable of understanding what was going on because he had mental problems...

with that said i turn the page and move toward a whole new arena in life...

blah blah blah

i do not ever know what the next step for me is, i know what i have to do and the pressure of what the next step is, is totally plaguing me from what my future is...

i do not know where to go next, and i do not know what that would lead to...what i do know is that i might see a future with the company of t-mobile...and in that time i would like to be a part time sales leader and potentially grow with the company, it is always a possibility...

or go for my master's degree an obtain something...

i have to admit that i am lost, and that i do not know what the next step for me completely is...
although i do want to develop into something more awesome...


i have to figure out what that is...

yo yo yo

so i think i have finally decided that the best bet would be to continue with a job with t-mobile for the time being, and then continue with my goals of becoming a teacher, that would be the best move for me in order to pursue a respectable career, and a nice comfortable life...that will include traveling, fucking, continuous marijuana use...and enjoying a very sexual lifestyle.

move and look forward to educating the youth about certain practices that could be negative to their lifestyle...and enjoying them on the side.

i feel awesome. i am enjoyed.
i look forward to meeting someone and going out on dates...

my main goals as of now, are too clean up my damn fucking mess of a room.
clean up my face and get some sexy good looking nice ass skin...
get my body in shape, and make some sexualness happen...
it's about time...

on to the next baby. do it do it do it.

oh and learn how to drive. =)

so fucking bored

i do not know what to do anymore at this point, i am so bored, so miserable, so overwhelmed, so pissed, so uninterested, so fucking tired, so over everything to the point that i almost want to cry.

i can not take it anymore, i do not know what to do at all, what is there to do?

i never completely know what it is that i want to do with my life, i continuously go back and forth looking for some form of path...do you know what i want to do? can you tell me what i should do? i do not want to deal with sales jobs that does not invovle real estate, i like the interaction of people but i have also thought about doing something relative to teaching...

teaching is an enjoyable profession. a respectable career field that will benefit everyone including myself, what i neeed to do is move forward with my life and finally make the decision that makes sense....i can not deal with anything more, i need to go back and having fun and find a bartending gig, hit the gym and make it happen...

school is so/so right now, by the end of the semester, i will be fine, and by the summer i will be a graduate....going into the city may or may not be the best move for me, it might be better for me to have a commitment of a car...and it might be major for me to drive...at least it would be something different that you are not used to and have not have done before...

i have been called the next great american philospher...

i have been called an upcoming comedian...

i have been called great.

it meant a lot to me and a lot of people that you would never know...

the idea of being a teacher is the direction i need to be focusing on....being a good guy, a cute guy, and a fun guy...

shit to do

i have a bunch of shit to do.

clean room entirely.

assess what is needed for my room:

mainly hampers and what not...especially needed for room to look complete...

all old clothes needs to be thrown out and everything needs to be taken care of...

room must be clean

and gym regiment must commence itself.


focus on school. and getting everything together...a.s.a.p.

the possibility of going to york college is still present if you wish to accept the goal of health teacher, however that would mean traveling to the bronx for lehman college in the future...

if you go back to hunter college, that would mean going for 3 years in order to obtain your italian teaching degree...

it is up to you, but the time is now to make the move necessary to be important and involved in your life....

so that was that...

you look back on what happened and you will not understand...

nobody will ever know what the truth was....

whatever scrub...

101 dalmations

i think i am making the right moves...

avoiding being bitchy...

and moving forward with what i need to do and what i want to become...

the only thing that makes sense to me is being a personality either on the radio or on t.v. ...i do not want to engage in anything else otherwise...i do think that it is time to become something greater and stronger...and with that said as a backup be an italian major so you can one day teach italian and be fluent in a language...

as i move forward with i need to move forward with, i think that that is a goal that should be worked toward...in the meantime it is not a bad idea to collect unemployment and do the do...

you know what you are doing and that is all that matters...

i have to do me.



lets move forward and move on. let's get the job at the cafe. and collect unemployment.

gay is the way.

i am not the city...

but i do want to work downtown and serve it up...

cause you know how i do...

all up in this with a bag of chips...

with a bag of chips...

with a bag of chips...

...of course they would.


all up in this. do you want to go to the store? and if you did what would you want to purchase? whhy would you want to purchase something of such a large quantity because you would be thirsty?

BEER bitches....

that's my shit....

i miss being 17.

i finally figured this one out.

so it is time to find a job off the books and in turn look for a sexy ass new unemployment method of payment...a nice steady clear income til graduation and some new shoes, clothes, and a new body and the ever important...blackberry era. bitch it's time.

you have solidified yourself the main match of the future...
and you are in the driver's seat...

make it happen sexy...you can do it...

i am confused.

idk what to do? i have been out of work for a week now and i do not know what to do....
i have many options but they seem to all be the same...

i do not have the patience to figure someting out, but not the financial income...

where does that take me? the possibility becomes that i need to find a job soon and get some reciprocal income, because i spend money like it is going out of style...

therefore, what should i do?

i eventually need to move out of my house so it might be a good idea to get my shit together and start waiting tables, because it opens the door for many possibilites for you for the future...

if you start waiting tables you will learn the business of bartending which is your ultimate goal...
why not do that downtown? i'm a waiter downtown. that sounds so fucking sexy...

i work at t-mobile downtown? this does not have the same nostalgia...i think we look forward to the next step and the next level, and it is time to get some serving jobs out there...do the damn thing.

in the meantime you can work at ann taylor as you cruise for new jobs in order to provide you with the groundwork needed to take advantage of what is needed....

if you work a few shifts a week, you will have cash money in your pocket and you can do the damn mother fuckign thing....do it do it do it do it.

make that money and turn it the fuck up.

waiter at downtown.

graduate after session 2

back to hunter.

major in italian and media studies...

5 years later then expected.

but you can accomplish some great things when you put your mind and head connected and looking up and forward.

you got this, go toward the future...

sugarcafe...baby.

s

so i dont know what the best move would be?

should i go get the job at a cafe? or should i go on that second interview at t-mobile?

idk what i am supposed to do, i almost hate the company...i love gill and julia, although they put me through the most horrid bullshit of my life and i hate them for that although i felt like a superstar in a lot of moments, and felt that i would reach farther than what anyone had expected...

idk i look forward to the future....and with that the turn of a new moment....i look forward to the best of my years to come and enjoying what might be the best of my days ever to happen and what will continue to happen....the only question is...what to do?

t-mobile? or moving on to waiting tables and doing that thing...and the question remains do you want to do that thing? or do you want to become the person that you always thought that you were...idk what is left to be expected? and what is what is needed to become the future?

now i am thinking...you should learn the business....you should learn the art of waiting tables so you can make a lot of money in the future and guarantee yourself money but maybe you like the art of sales and the enjoyment that you had from it...

i think right now you should stick with t-mobile, as much as u hate to admit it, you fucking love t-mobile and would love to still continue to work with the company...the thing is you have to make it a reality ....ya dig?

i guess u look forward to the future, take what you can get, and do the best that you can...only you can decide what is right and what is wrong and in that time only you can decide on the future...

you want to work for t-mobile, don't let them discourage you into thinking otherwise...who the fuck are they? some latin low lives that don't even know that the fuck they are doing considering the fact that you owned them? hello...fuck them. fuck them hard.

hello manhattan!

friends and love

sometimes you find yourself alone...
your only date is with facebook chat...

what do you do
?

find a friend, grab a glass of wine, listen to alicia...and make sweet hot passionate love to yourself...

for now..=)

lie about to your face, when their caught...

can't trust...

some people just talk way too much,

take my advice and listen up...

gather around.

blackberry era will now resume.

i look forward to the future...

i have decided that i am going to major in film and do the damn thing

have i always wanted to be a director? doubtful...

i also thought about journalism...so it would be fun.

still waiting

i am still waiting for the day where everything goes back to normal...

they day where something doesn't seem like the reciprication for the negativity that has been dealt prior...

i look forward to a new society...a new game and a new time....

there have been few and suttle times where i have found something that was irrelevant and took me to a new place and found myself again...

i need to move forward again in my life, not work as many hours as i had been...

and readjust my work schedule...i need to take classes that i enjoy, learn how to speak in them and move forward....

you do not enjoy any of your classes...
and you did not enjoy the politics at your job...

look forward to a city atmosphere which would be so good for me...
and look forward to taking classes that might actually engage you...

do not forget to work out and position yourself to clean up a bit...

do it do it do it.

an end is a new beginning...

i look forward to a new idea and a new venture moving forth...

it has been inconsequential for 4 months...

now it has become the reality that i need to look forward and find a new path...

i think that i have found some new experiences where i will look forward to being a part of...

LATER!

take care...see you soon...

and so it is...

unfortunately i could not forgive what sucky bullshit...

perhaps they had put too much pressure on me...

i tend to rise to the occasion....

all i know is that it is time to move ahead into the future...

pretend like it never happened...

stop eating like a gigantic fatass...

get into the groove of school...

and make your future happen...

can't be seen living at home forever...but you can make moves to ensure a better future,

do it up homeboy...

you only got a few more years left.

i wish i never met them

i wish i never met them, i wish they never opened my eyes to something that i was never aware of before...i wish that i knew what was left to be true...

was i right? was i the one whom they had encountered?

either way it was all about the angles....everything could have been perceived in any which way in order for it to have made a purpose...

either way you looked at it, it was either a opportunity to look played, or an opportunity that was real....either way that was how i chose to leave them and i guess that was the mark that i had given...

i move forward with new ideas and new thoughts and i look at this wisely and encourage the future...people ask me have i ever felt like shit? and the truth was i haven't.

i never felt the way that they wanted me to feel because i chose not to believe in that...

you could always find solace in your findings and relate them to an experience in which would achieve...something.

that's all that matters.

why mingle with insecurity...i have enough of my own thoughts to create a movement.

nobody can explain natural charisma or capability...why ruin natural selection?

you are here. get excited.

i move forward with new commitments, new goals, and a dream.

my dream is to live a succesful sex filled, very happy gay life.

i want gay friends, culture, and surroundings...i do not want any other entity to indulge in my path.

i want the future to not be calyss but the certainity to be strong.

a poet can only dream.

be:

seasonal or permanent?

have you been working your ass off to try and get to the top level? well yea.

i have been a consistent worker doing what it is expected of me to be the best performer that i can be, i think that i am finally getting to that point...

i need to take it to the next level and that is what i am doing, i believe that i have done enought within my environment to make it to the top...

consistently on the best in class list, and moving forward to bigger and better things...it is time for me to do the damn thing. i am so ready to take it to the next level, it is the time.

i want my offer letter, i want to be evaluated in a proper way in order for me to make the sales that i need to overcome the unexpected...

will i get the letter that i deserve? i sure hope so...i want to be made into a permanent employee already i feel that i deserve it...it is unfair for people to assume that i am not capable or that i am going to bring drama...

i am going to do the damn thing.

did i or didn't i?

we all know jobs aren't

no thanks.

so that was what was done?

it was so long ago, a lot of people have been there...

in the end, you made him cry...many a times...

in the end, you came out victorious.

that was all that needed to be remembered....

you still had a lot of money on you and with you that was all that matters...

since then you have accomplished a lot and that is all that needs to be remembered...

you became noticed...you became victorious...

you owned what you got and you did what you could and that was all that mattered....

be happy for life and be happy for future strength....

look forward to the future...not becoming anxious...

and just letting loose and just having fun...

in whatever way that means to you...

how many days have you just had fuun?

the summer of 04 was amazing...i ihad an amazing time....

smoke and fuck.

work and save.

study and pass.

get fit, get right, move forward...

idk anymore...

i started the job...miserable about the classes i was taking.

hated them.

you did really hate them.

hating your fucking job, where everyone thought you were crazy...

to getting fired...you kind of deserved to be.

and then...on top of it all...holy shit.

i just realized what my karma was....and how it wasn't real....

none of it was real...it was just a fantasy that we had created...when we linked together...

crazy times....all this time i wasted....all this time and never got the opportunity to do it and try it once again...all this fucking time...

yo yo yo....

just friendless.

not dumb...just friendless.

alright cool....

you have never been more attractive...

do i want to take myself out of the limelight?

do i need all the fucking attention?

one's a douche...

mymind works in many ways but other things do not work at the same time...

i have been feeling very lost lately...

but for some reason lately i feel slightly agressive

i dont know what's in the water...

i have become ovecome with agression typing endlessly in order to outlet rage...

do you believe in a man that overcomes his bullshig in order to perservere...

do people even believe in perserverance....

i would not become anything other than what you wanted me to be?

uugh ugh uggh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh....

it was incredible.

thanks to all of those who participated in the bullshit...

thanks to all of those who didn't respond...

it was an unhealthy atitude in the way in which they lived....

it's unfortunate....

when did i start hating everything

when did i start hating everything?

when did i become so overwhelmed by everyone...

when did work become the only thing that i think about and do...

when did school become a fucking chore...

when did i start to feel that i had completely lost my sanity?

you are about to graduate from school and you are #1 in your fucking market?

did you give up on your dream?

was that ever your dream?

when did you decide that you were not funny...

you have been hanging out with people where nobody makes you laugh...nobody.

i have become a new person and have decided that i want to change i want to make a change...

i am so proud of myself for handling myself in a way that was fun and amazing...

and looking forward to the future...

i move forward to the future, remembering that you are not normal, and you are not ghetto, but that you are just you and that is all that matters...

strength of self.

who are you?

a bengali infused blue collar italian man who will never be satisfied...

a bisexual flirt....

a chosen character...

you are capable....you are strong....you are better from that night ironically.

i did not want to be famous, i just wanted to be strong...

making a future for yourself is the gateway to a new idea...

he still has time to grow

so after all,

a future was born.

a star was ready to be captured...

and the rest would remain to be untold...

what was left of the story?

nothing...because he's dead.

simple dig....dude.

don't let it get to you...

allow yourself the opportunity to become stronger in what you become...

learn to enjoy the lessons of your past and enjoy the future...

soo tired of the digs

i am soo tired of everyone and everything at my current location...

i do not fit in there...

i am tired of going to work and feeling like the outcast...

i have always got along with people that i worked with...

everybody is always telling me things and telling me lies, not wanting me to succeed....

i have one guy that is probably fucking the manager at this point...

who always gets recognition and i am so fucking tired of it...who's store really is it?

i dont want to be apart of this store anymore because they are going to take over something that i do not even want to be apart of...

i love my job, i love the money, but i am so tired of everyone else...

i do not want to leave, and i do not understand how i would deserve to leave...because it is not fair...

i want to be the best and i was the best...i am so fed up...

fed up with the forced position that i am in....am i not supposed to be in control?

why can't i be in a position to be on top?

please tell me why i consistently get treated the way that i do...

i am tired of feeling uncomfortable at my own damn job....

so fucking tired of it...

it is time for me to move on and move forward...perhaps as a sales lead somewhere where i deserve to be...

i am so fucking fed up ...i understand that i am seasonal status....but i deserve to be made permanent....i deserve to be on top and get some damn recognition...

finally. finally. finally.

maybe i am acting up...but i think that the future holds something for me...

i begin my final semester at laguardia next week and i will then move forward with my teaching degree....i will become a respectable member of society and hold a damn job and make the moves that i need to become successful...

it is only a matter of time before i become the person i want to be...and that will hold my future...

i look forward...

to the end but until that time...i do not understand what else is in store...

i knew that

i miss fun.

i want something new...

ew.

you bring everybody down....

lame ass.

good always beats evil

whhy are you pretending to enjoy this?

why are you pretending to like this?

why do you even care?

what is the point?

why does it matter?

do you really think that this is fun?

what the fuck is wrong with you?

why are you doing this?

who would allow pretention to start over again?

and are we serious.....













now that nobody cares.













let's become someone that does not matter...













did it really scare you of the possibility?



fun. fun. fun. fun.


i am pretty sure that he wanted to kill him because that is what would have happened or something along those lines...

i did not know what the hell was going on and idd not need to focus on that bullshit it was a waste of time that should have not been such a dork


so moving forward with all the beatiful love....i move forward on my own by myself and without any future dated knowledge...

look toward the future...

if you can keep your positive atitude...

and maintain a healthy apetite for the future...

you can do it!

i take risks...

i took a risk today, i hope that is pans out...i dont want them to think that i am acting a certain way that woud negatively effect the business...

you have to look at it this way...you have three weeks to step it up and show them that you do not have an atitude problem...and that you are the one that needs to be taken to the next level....

be the man that you are....not the funny guy that sometimes gets you into trouble...

i told you....you would....

of course...

being made fun of...

is not the best situation to be in...

i feel like i lost a lot of my heart in that experience...

unfortunately i lost a lot of my mind....

i would rather go crazy then lose what i am...

and what i was was one fun mother fucker....

i feel like myself again

idk what to tell you but i do feel that night changed me a little bit...

becoming a grown and sexy sales representative for t-mobile has shifted me to the better...

i have become a new person with that experience in tact...the overwhelming negativity that presented itself from the experience...is done.

the only way for me to deplete myself from everything....everything was to take the time to move on and move forward...

you know what you are capable of...getting a C- from a tough teacher without reading the book...
a slight accomplishment...

thinking that i was crazy was useless because it was a pain in the ass...i move forward with new positions and a new identity...

i hope that i get kept from t-mobile...and make a play to make sure that i get kept...

i hope to move forward with a new life and a new experience...be a modern person...

i had some great times, and i move forward...with a new life, a new experience, and awesome good time fun...

i plan to go to the gym and use my proactiv....and stop eating like a crazy fat ass beast...

water! water! water!

start cooking at home...and bring snacks to work...make it happen sexxxxy.....you got this in the bag....do it the fuck up.

vitamins!

once u lose all that damn fat...go and get the damn protein shakes...and make yourself look grown and sexxy...

have you ever had a hater?

have you ever had a hater? have you ever met someone that put themselves into a position as your personal authority figure in order to provide you with some insight that you did not need?

i have.

i have been given an experience that opened my eyes to the realm of male on male jealousy. did you ever believe that this would exist?

i am a self proclaimed dork, but as you get to know me you will realize that i am one of the coolest fun people you will ever meet...allegedgly.

i am who i am and live through that regard i do not acknowledge...nor do i feel the need to entertain people's emotions...

you begin to correlate the position of others and realize that this person dos not require any form of in depth thinking...i belive that it is unfortunate for people to allow their emotions to sway their judgements and maneuver their actions....

it is called a backfire...

sting...to locking...to uncovered hypnosis....to a battle of who was better?

i won. and i would win again.

stronger in almost every regard...

i guess it was his night...and i guess i ruined it.

it was unfortunate for him to do all evil...

but the jealousy needs to stop...

limited capacity....all free space...no need to download...information could be stored...

was the human mind being compared to a computer? or a second hand cell phone?

without some form of spiritial explanation...we are left as the easily depicted common american computer phased dumb ass university of specimen...

wastes of sperm.

i guess that was true...and in turn i got what i deserved...

experiment. social.

psychological. union.

cultural. shock.

please don't be the ad campaign for a new energy drink?

philosophically. insufficient.

physiologically. correct.

no stain. no healing. no future. no soul.

not going to happen in new york city.

i now know why most of my friends have left the city...philadelphia is obviously where its at.

this is my home...but it is time to leave....

i took to the experience...

if i could get to you i would write your words...

if i could understand you i would interpret your ideas...

if i could relate to you i would illustrate your vision...

it is a simple understanding really...

you have to relive an experience to burn out the previous one?

i took to the experience open-ended...

allowing the civil remainder provide the moment of illustration...

the representatives took to it wisely but did not proceed the correlation...

therefore you begin to wonder...are men just human?

although i felt that he was being superceeded by his jealous intentions...

he provided a gateway into intellectual perception...

there was an end.

could it be?

?

"hypnosis on subconscious reality is the gateway to a concious dream."

-anthony.

dont touch me...

just dont pay. :)

your mother fucking idol....

don't annoy me.

it gets on my nerves.......

i dont think....






<3

who's amazing?

what if you were the greatest person that society would deem you to be?

what is you were the biggest douche in the world?

could you enforce your policies on the recipricate reader?

would you objectify objectivity?

get her done....

i need to go back to me....

get my swag back and do the damn thing...

no negativity...

negativity brings nothing...

you can do it anthony....

step up your game...

stress as usual

it's fucking snowing like it is going out of style...i can not deal with it anymore...it just will not end...i do not understand this fucking weather anymore...it is horrible...i hate the fucking snow, you can't do anything at all...you just have to trudge through it...it sucks....i hate the snow so much...

fuck the snow...ahhhhhhhhhhhh

i am stressed out at my job like hardcore...i need to step it up HARD with my activations and make something happen or i am slowly going down.....i need the kick in my step

get a shape up and get my earrings back....i need to go back to being me.....

NOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

you can do it...with every step you get this much stronger...

more days of stresss.

empty space...

everybody always tells you to focuus on what is necessary and what needs to be done...

i just want to be needed....

not necessary...

everyday...you should never feel sorry for yourself...


look toward the main goal and establish yourself...

become the best health teacher you can and become the best that you can...

nothing made sense by the end of the situation....nnothing couuld be done...everybody attempted to discover certain things about me...but it nnever was a situation...that could lead to anything...

all the time it never ends

getting over an experience that took place so long ago....has been so difficult

i am feeling better and getting better with time...

COMEDIAN!!!!!!

definitely

i would like to take the time to mention that i have finally decided my goal in life and i am completely behind it...

i refuse to allow other's judgement dictate my path...

i want to be a health teacher and travel the world, fall in love, and have my own children and maintain a great life...

friends, family, and a well stamped passport...

make it happen...

my life has been saved....

again and again i begin to find myself from the dread....

it took so much to get me back to normal....

i think that i am finally in a place...

where everything would happen....

to take it to the next level....

what is that level? BEING YOUR MOTHER FUCKING SELF

step up to the plate and get what you need to get done...DONE.

get permanent.

clear skin.

lose the weight you gained...

get fit.

get a fucking tattoo

get into york college with the right major...

clear ALL DEBT.

stay with t-mobile for as long as you can and do the damn thing....

so what are the decisions that you need to make to become stronger and better?

i'm a sexy guy....

financially free...

making good money....

fit....

eating healthy....

studying...

and finalizing my future.

it's a good time to be....but you have to get kept...

remember that! it takes time for people to train and get to know everything and they are starting the first month of march...it is going to be hard for them to compete and everything....

i think you will be alright...step up to the plate and SHOW everyone that you are one of the best in the store...and will not allow anyone to take your spot...or it's mother fucking go time.

BITCHES!

fucking pissed

so fucking pissed off at these people...that i wanted to shut them the fuck up....

i held it down, fucked them up hardcore....

on many levels, unfortunately i think i handed them a subconcious blow once again....once i met them i was not over the situation and hate them...

regardless of who won or who didn't...i think i held it down enough to kno that i gained a lot that night and that experience was terrible...

i won at least 12 times....

my effect on him reigns supreme as i move forward in my life...toward a new goal that will bring me the qualities that i desire and deserve....

fuck the buffy cast of death....they were jerks and losers and lame asses...that i hope and wish will die...

he ruined everything....everything was ruined because of him and i hope that he feels good doing what he's doing....

d.u.i. bitch...fucking suck on it....

fuck you

you are a worthless lame ass piece of junk that will eventually fall over into a death of pain and skyrocket to fuckfacedness....

again

up and down up and down up and down

again i find myself lost...everyday i find a new way not to focus on what is next...

fortunately enough for me i have limited my choices toward my career choice...

and they are as follows:

Journalist.

i'm nosey i think it would be fun to do radio and enjoy life but after a while it wouldn't be that much fuun...

Health Teacher.

i think it would be fun to be a teacher, it is a respectable career that is in demand, and there are so many fucking perks...

T-mobile Manager.

good money and you do enjoy selling and doing the damn thing...

................................................................................................................................................................

okay being a pretentious useless vegan bitch....is something that i would never be...

falling into retail is something that i never wanted to do or allow to happpen so idk if i can allow that either...therefore i know i would love to be a teacher i think that it is a brilliant career...however idk what the hell to teach, sometimes people suggest to me that i should be a professor...but i dont think that this something i would want to do either...that would be sort of crap.

the italian thing sounds fun, but again is that really in demand....and i was always good at math but it would take me a really long time to learn math all over again....but it does make you a smart mother fucker.!!!! in the meantime you could bartend until you finished school that would be fun...and you could do a lot after the fact....

i am now over the italian teacher idea...that took 5 minutes....

i have decided that i do want summers off....i think the math teacher idea sounds really good, i do not know why i....

math math math math math....i always loved math i should have probably taken calculus at some point....but if i can get there by the time i am 27 that is something to be proud of....

okay that would take too long...what other options do i have? bio i was never good at, and you might as well do something in the medical field....

physics? be one of those insane hot people that can build robots...because everyone would admit it that that is hot...

no that iis not a good fucking idea...

i think that it might actually be an amazing idea...4 hour lectures??? hmmm? can i handle that?

finally, a good day...

i finally felt like myself again, i have always had an awareness for my surroundings but combined with focus....it has created a movementt...

my job is awesome, i look forward to moving up the ladder in order to make amove to a greater place where i need to be...

it was so awesome seeing friends again that i have not seen in forever...

it is few and far between that i find myself in situations that are fun

reminniscennt of thhe times from high school...

these kids are nuts...

got to have fun and do the best that you can and make it happen...say whaaaaat....

making it happen....

so everything happens for a reason i guess...well it comes to a point where it is time to decide what is the most acceptable use of your brain....should you evaulate your judgement? or take the circumstances into play in order for you to best assert yourself and create a lifestyle that provides you with the qualities needed...

why did i put myself through so much torture...why when you are capable of being a rockstar...well idk about all that but something more than you ever knew...you will come to a place where everything makes sense and you will know exactly what you need to do in order to make the best judgement...

make the right moves and put yourself into a position where you know what you need and want to do, it is time to decide what you want to be because you need to take yourself to the next level...

sick lullabies...

but it's just the price i paid...destiny is calling me.....

how can you equate an experience...to something you would deem highly qualified to hold so much potential....

was it just a limited experience? i do believe so....i think at the end of the experience, he utilized all his efforts in order to showcase his jealousy....and block me from realizing my full potential...the difference between them and i, was that i was a visual. nobody else was as visual as i was....deal with it.

if a person asked me if they were not that smart....i would tell them ....not to focus on what others believed you to be...but to focus on what you know you are. do not allow others proximity of judgement to calculate your gauge.

gauge can be your spectrum...and only you know your range...

calculate your speed not your distance....

do not let people get to you, allow yourself to be free of all negativity...

pride. can be your downfall...

envy. can lead you to misfortune...
..............on the otherhand...do not allow others to pass judgement on you either...they are jealous!

sloth. always stay steady...do not faulter in any fascet of your life...

...to be continued....

date night

i wished my coworkers understood me, it would be nice considering i get the idea that they pretty much hate my ass...

lol i know that they dont hate me but i do understand that they are fucking annoying as hell...they dont understand me and dont appreciate me and my contribution to the store...but they understand when i call their asses out! lol

it's not fair for me to do everything and i will not do everything and i will not tolerate not being allowed to take a lunch break when i work more than six hours....granted i dont want to miss the activations but what can you do...really...what can you do?

idk what these kids do...but they get on my last nerve and i do believe that they can go kill themselves hardcore and really quickly...

everyone gets to a certain point where you can not take it anymore...i hope that this saturday i bring it hard and get these damn activations and become number one in my store! i want to be mr. february! i know that i can do this i just have to hold on strong and bring it hard...you can do this anthony, stay motivated...how lovely would it be to hold down the number one spot and make it happen....

you got to remember where you work and what you can do....you have what it takes and that is all that matters....

you have to get at least 30 more activations this month...to bring it home and make it happen get that shit done! you have it remember that!

webConnects or @ homes, or postpaid family plans of course....hahhaah bring it home ant! you got this....do not hesitate to make things happen and go back to being a shark...

you know you got this, you already know!

6 days in a row have brought you 5, 7, 3, 9, 4, 5 which equals to 33 activations....

plus the original 21...to top it off on february 18th you are at 54 activations!

you are on pace to beat the mofo! DO IT!

addicted...

i am addicted to this blog, another day of work, and another day of nothing that excitin...

putting yourself on the back burner in order to make money is the key to everyone paying the bills...

i am okay with that, but i hate being in this awkward period that is an in between....between being a kid and being an adult....it is like two completely different entities...

moving forward....i am so over a bunch of things, and you definitely got your revenge...things should have just moved on...

stop the white castle...

so my life has become oddly routine, it is so much better than the way it was, not as much of a free spirit as i once was...and i think i miss that quality but no longer being a dumbass that i once was...

i get up, i work, i come home, eat something that i shouldn't, and now rest on my laptop for hours in between watching some tv show,

it actually is not that bad and i do not have that much to worry about...

what i realized was that a part of me was hurting, the part of me that held my vision...

it is a situation that will not distract me from life but distract me from prospering...

but it hasn't....if anything you have to be proud of yourself for everything that i have accomplished in the mean time....i am 3 months away from completing my associates degree...

i am a month away from being a confirmed permanent employee with t-mobile...a job that i never thought that i could land...

i just got a laptop...that i bought all on my own, i earned that...i did that....this sad part of me needs to die...and i think that is what i tried to kill....

look no further than your crave...

i believe in spirtiual guidance...

and nobody will ever own my jokes bitches!!!!

i am fucking---amazing.

on to the next, gotta find my futur ex...

and i'm leaving....

put so much energy on the next and the future, and what i was doing was wasting my energy not focusing on what was engaging me at the time, whether it was good or bad...

everytime the time came to pull the trigger, i backed away and was left withno time to heal but pushed forward to a new moment in order to not step back into previous paths...

the labyrinth that engages you is the pattern to indulge you as you move forward with no regards to previous book keeping...

always allow yourself to be in possession of the truth and always allow yourself to create
the ability to create is lost on lost souls, but that does not lead into a form of personal destruction

it is important to have a balance, but it is important to have a voice, lead yourself to be chosen, dont elect yourself a leader....

do not be a supporting character.

allow yourself the ability to be on the main stage and greet yourself to a whole new meaning of certainty...

what is behind you is behind you...and you begin to acknowledge what these secrets you held within yourself actually mean to others...

i have finally discovered the route to all of this, i was not afraid of anything other then falling into the same trap that my predecessors have fled to...therefore through acknowledgement it has become clear that everyone has a voice...

you were a kid, you are definitely not at that age anymore, but it was with the sincerest quality that you will continue to lead and be the best that you can be, get over this gray period, work your ass off....get the tangibles that you deserve! and make moves...move forward and enjoy

but you have to get your act together!

1. schedule dentist and doctors appointment immediately before insurance runs out!
a. sign up for t-mobile insurance in april.
b. get all cavities filled and take care of everything
c. schedule appt. with dermatologist and make sure you are healthy.

2. Proactiv
a. set up routine facials...
b. clear the mother fucking skin biotch i said right now...

3. Debts
a. pay off shakespeare A.S.A.P.
b. pay off TD bank
c. pay off library
d. evaluate if you owe any other money elsewhere but probably not

4. Room
a. save up money to buy:
mirror, yoga mat, mural, espionage kit, sheets, towels, curtains,

5. Wardrobe
a. no new clothes until you lose weight...
b. SOCKS. TANKTOPS. BOXERS. $100...I ALLOW IT.

6. LAUNDRY!!!
must go through all clothes and decide if i am keeping anything or not, must decide...major must do before final semester starts!

7. vacation time immediately...
MUST PLAN VACATION SOON.

8. GYM?
a. sign up to powerhouse...do it, maybe as a graduation present!
b. remember to CANCEL planet fitness...

9. luxuries
a. new ipod...say what.
b. blackberry? oooh maybe as a graduation/birthday present.

10. apply for readmission to HUNTER asap.

11. get kept at t-mobile!!!

2000, 1500,

find my voice...

i choose to blog as an outlet as a surrender to my thoughts that have possessed the stregnth any normal man could take...

i have met many men big enough to lead an army but were not complex enough to handle the route,

i have met many men smart enough to create the strategy but not tough enough to execute the purpose...

i have met many men capable but could not enforce their judgement over their wit...

many men can create their own personal meaning of existence but you begin to questions if they are supporting their own enterprise...

how can one man rule a society that possesses a good amount of all these people?

the normal people that parade around that begin to chastize others for their form of expression...

these thoughts are so arbitrary to understand and meaningless to entertain, why do people possess the qualities that everyone automatically denies they have...

as you get older you believe that you will automatically become more complex, but as i have learned throughout my years that you grow to become more limited,

much more set in your ways and co-dependant on pre-exising qualities in which you value....

why does everyone decide that you should become increasingly stronger when you should just grow wiser...you should not be in an adverse point of potential...

increasing your wits is the key to success...do not become involved in backpeddling...it is fucking stupid...

do i want to freestyle? ....more like beat reporting...
do i want to be a comedian? ...hell fuck yea...
do i want to be a jerk?

no values will lead to justification over this and i will never allow a misguided notion to engage my thoughts in order to support another stance...

i carry previous weight on my shoulders and proceed to shed the stregnth that has come with...

uunttil the time has come where people stop valuing groups over individual stregnth...
nobody will be heard....

valentines day special

so it doesn't take much to recollect on old thoughts and have them transcend upon almost everything...but it does take a lot to get the courage to get up again when you know that you have been shamed...

everyone in this world has a lost a few...

and what i have learned throughout this time is that you need to learn that you win some you lose some...

i know i won...

i left those people wanting more and could not obtain it...

i by far won!





moving forward to the other issue...i won in my own way and i did feel guilty about everything that took place that night but at the end of it all...drama free is the way to be and thank you i won.

there is nothing left to be said, there is no way to obtain accurate infomration and even apply logical sober ethics to a drunken environment and experience...

do not belive for a second that you are above the actions of others but do believe that you are better than your own.




i have a pretty good life going on right now...it seems that i have moved from 9th to 5th which is crazy....i am the new go to person of it all...i am top rep., i am not superior to others, but what i have concentrated on is learning to forgive the moments and have learned to forgive yourself...

you changed people that night, but at the end of it all....i am not full of myself but i like to have fun and be me and do the damn thing, i will not engage in other people to obtain satisfaction and will not remove myself from strangers, just be yourself it got you far enough and you enjoyed the personalities of those.

i, anthony vow to move forward and with dignity and self-preservation. and have witnessed that being yourself is the only way to successfully move forward and on your own....you became something through all these experiences and that was stronger, and that does mean that you should find the party...because those people that are so few, are out there and you are still one of them...and you will always be...



that was released, that was forgiven, and changes were made...


you have not faultered anywhere else outside of your social/romantic life....

AND IT IS MOTHER FUCKING TIME TO HANG OUT WITH THE GAYS!!!!!!!!!!

they will make you feel at home, because you are what you are...and the heterosexuals just are not cutting it!

live freely and live strong, choose wisely be productive and always listen to your heart.

i love me.

Middle of February...a bunch of life

So it has been a while...do i still think about these terrible situations...unforunately i do...

i dont know why i belive in these situations that have plagued me for so much time and i do not understand why i allow myself to be treated in the ways that i do...

i have absolutely perservered and created a personal conquest in the midst of handling everything else that i can only look at myself in a high regard...

you created a life for yourself that has transcended over everything you possess...

thank you to all my chinese fans...

i do not know why i put myself into situations that require reactions that are negative and dull, boring and stupid...

who are these people? who do these people think they are? these people are losers aside from a few people that actually entertained the thought of greater goods and greater life...

am i in a position to judge others and decide what the right decisions are...absolutely not but this leads me to believe that these people are limited...

the main cause of the destruction was the autistic alcoholic idiot moronic child that has no self-control and entertained its values by some midsguided thought process that did not even make any sense...i have to come to terms that althought the guy was a fun person that was a good person that just happened to be some version of a power dork was actually autistic and an idiot...he had lost all self control and it was unfortunate that he could not be convinced or changed...

he was a fool, he is a fool, he felt that he had something to prove, that he was the toughest person in the game that we lived in, he was not that tough, he cried over everything that was lame, he exerted an energy to bring me down in order to prove himself a man over the rest and everyone was disgusted by his behavior....i have to understand that this guy was an autistic and he could not possess things that other people could...

he was a loser that was not capable of anything past step by step consideration and it was shameful that he truly thought that he held some status...only some dork boy with pretend robot legs would justify his tiny penis actions in order to possess someone for self satisfaction...only someone withouth the capability to understand reality would enforce its self righteous personality upon the individuals who were capable of more...

a guarantee that he would not care but his capacity was stronger than his will...but his will became stronger than his capacity...he would never personally engage in the thoughts of a child past the age of twelve and entertaing the values of a teen...this person was truly and quite simply an idiot....a savage pack of deffocation. and an usual backing that did not support his core values...leading me to believe that he is a certified austistic member of society that should not be capable to engage in alcohol within bars. this man should be disenfranchised of his root and create no fascist statement with his undoubtable creationist ways.