not the vacation i was expecting

well it's my first vacation in about 10 years. i paid for my tickets and decided to visit my sister in st. petersberg florida. i can admit i have had a decent time filled with some great highs and definitely some mediocre points.

the surprise of seeing my sister was wonderful, i greatly appreciated the effort it took on everyone's part to have this vision come into a reality. it was awesome. she threw the umbrella it was pretty hilarious.

as we pushed forward into the night we went to the mall and had a relaxing time as we started to bond. at the end of the day i like gil. he's not a bad guy. but i must admit he's not my favorite boyfriend. my sister has been with some high quality men, and this one doesn't qualify for a cell phone. it is what it is.

when i first saw their apartment i thought i was in the waiting area for hell. it was grusome and i expected tyrannical squirells to claw my face. but that didn't happen so that's good. i immidately proposed we go look for an apartment.

we found the reserve and within the renting office was a fabulously unfabolous gay man named damn. he pronounced "Lease" ....LEEHHISE. it was funy. had to be there. oh so gay. soo soo gay.

well after mini episode after mini episode of slight retardation...they finally realized that they can doooo it. and they have a beautiful apartment with a lake view and literally walking distance to that pooool. i am feeling that. that is some hot shit. awesome apartment.

well aside from not really doing much. i got to see the dali museum which was awesome. i loooooved almost every second of seeing that museum so worth it to me. and the docent tour it was fantastic. it reminded me of how much i appreciate art. and miss going to the museum and taking advantage of the exciting opportunites there are in nyc.

i really appreciated everything that they did for me and tried to do for me, it was fantastic. i then went to the beach with my sister and we spoke about everything else and it was fun for me.

unfortunately my gut feeling is that this man is not the one for her and will not be. i am very against it. however, it is what it is. aint nobody getting married until i can get married. throw that politics in the mix.

the beach was amazing i had a great time. i saw some awesome things. i went out dancing for a little bit...my friend's car got stolen which i felt like was my fault. and now after a short time with the poool.....we FOUND HER CAR!!! AND I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY!!

definitely some ups and some downs. but we made it. we did it. and now i'm here and the night is turning into later. but it's ok.

i'm going to miss my sister...i <3 her.

i do. i hate when we bring up the conversations that drift us. but when we get along...we're fluid.
that's my bitch.

so what does it all mean?

you travel through life and attempt to take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. however, you are childishly unhappy. childishly because you won't admit to it. you will not own up to the fact that changes need to be made.

these changes include:
forcing yourself to go to the gym.
eating waaaaaaay less fatning foods.
cleaning up your room.
doing your laundry.
maintaing your skin.
going to the doctor.
drinking only only only water.

these changes need to be made before you start school, maybe you can request a week off or something? maybe that's in the cards for you.

you really don't have any idea.

but you could try.

right now my job consists of people that i do not want to get to know any further. although they attribute characteristics that i would normally find desireable, i must face facts...i am not a manhattan person. i do not like the city nor do i want to work in the city any longer. it was fun while it lasted.

but queens is home. and queens is where i dwell and where i am successful i understand queens. i get it. the city is a forced way of socializing that i have never been about. it's time to make the moves in order to do the right things and take advantage of what i need to take advantage of.

a 450 store in the old store's market might be poetic justice for what i was put through with that location, they made me feel like a failure. like i had done something to them and deserved to feel that way. at the end of the day you are the only one with a degree. not them.

they can go kill themselves as we slowly watch that location dissapate. i do not know if i wish them any ill...but they deserve to feel a temporary burden in the same manner that they made me feel. it isn't fair.

in terms of my location now, it's not worth it to me. 181? REALLY!. this is what i have come to.
the ghettoness....i can't live with it anymore.

i need to go into a location where i can capitalize and create the best for myself and create good numbers and work the minimum and captialize on the benefits. this is the only way i am going to be successful.

finally my art will become an activity as opposed to a desire. innovation can come into fruition if i choose to. 18 months of writing courses sounds like a blessing during this time and i hope to make the best out of it.

in the next few weeks i have a lot of things to take care of in order to become successful again. if it means buying the tools necessary in order to maintain a healthy and happy living space then so be it.

i deserve it.

you have been through too much in your personal life to have become this way again. you are not like this...only a few time have you been like this. and it is time for you to become yourself again.

working in an area where you chill...that makes sense.

going to school for writing....fucking finally.

THESE ARE THE MOVES NECESSARY!

NOW DO IT!