feeling ambidextrous

well my credit score is up! feeling that...

grown and sexy

it is time for me to accomplish the goals that i had set forth...

my goals are two-fold, to live comfortably but not consistently the same.

i do not need to be famous or recognized on the street in order for me to be conscious or aware...

i am a genius. i do not need to engage myself in pretentious groups...

i can find myself in a great place and in a positive view....

theater and italian.

it's calling to me, it makes perfect sense for me to engage in both of these activities...it is me?

i don't know if i want to teach, that would definitnely be my career of choice, but not a vicious sad retard on the low....not cool dude. not cool.

I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!
I HATE THEM!

ugh. it was good to have moved on, and those people should have never offended your intelligence because it was not that serious...it was just a silly situation that was all in good fun.

you took the wrong way and made a complete scene...and at the end of the day. that is all that it was.

anthony it was all jokes, but you understand what people do now, and in other news....do what u gotta do.

you're going to die...

dude...but you are gonna die.

what is there needed to be done?

nigga u getting fat! and it is time to take control of this weight and truly get rid of it...

it's about time...it is rudimentary.

changing the mind

changing the mind would accomplish a series of goals that would lead you into higher learning and appreciation for the next great step...

but what is the next step...what does this step involve...

where is the next step? what do u wish to accomplish?

it seems that i have earned a spot on the team at t-mobile/astor & broadway

i look forward to this opportunity, it seems as if i might have gained a greater opportunity that would not have been exposed while working at Rego Park...

let's get serious, who wouldn't want to work at the city? c'mon now really?

who wouldn't want to enjoy the life of being in the city as you move forward with new ideas and hopefully what seems as a new life....i can not wait to take the next step....

i think i look forward to new accomplishments, and new goals, and new dreams...building a lifestyle...and taking it forward...

i'm thinking of joining the navy

i have walked around almost every situation and asked as many questions as possible probing into my options in order to decide what i should do with my life...

i still have no fucking idea, i do not have a passion for doing that...i should just try and make it happen...

what would i be, sacrificing a dream in order to do what seems responsible...that is not my nature and that is not my soul...

i had a miraculous night, i earned a spot in a network of people that had the ability to provide insight...pretty cool and i understand the ethics of having a tight group...

i hated them, and continuously do...they never took what they were doing all that seriously...maybe i shouldn't of had...perhaps it ruined my brilliance...idk what to say to them...i did a lot, earned a lot...and was respected on so many levels for holding on to who i was enough to showcase my self...

idk anymore if i was wrong, i know that i wasn't but i know i made many people cry...and i appreciated that...

from what i know...it was all realm.

except for him...he should of not been there...he was not capable of understanding what was going on because he had mental problems...

with that said i turn the page and move toward a whole new arena in life...

blah blah blah

i do not ever know what the next step for me is, i know what i have to do and the pressure of what the next step is, is totally plaguing me from what my future is...

i do not know where to go next, and i do not know what that would lead to...what i do know is that i might see a future with the company of t-mobile...and in that time i would like to be a part time sales leader and potentially grow with the company, it is always a possibility...

or go for my master's degree an obtain something...

i have to admit that i am lost, and that i do not know what the next step for me completely is...
although i do want to develop into something more awesome...


i have to figure out what that is...

yo yo yo

so i think i have finally decided that the best bet would be to continue with a job with t-mobile for the time being, and then continue with my goals of becoming a teacher, that would be the best move for me in order to pursue a respectable career, and a nice comfortable life...that will include traveling, fucking, continuous marijuana use...and enjoying a very sexual lifestyle.

move and look forward to educating the youth about certain practices that could be negative to their lifestyle...and enjoying them on the side.

i feel awesome. i am enjoyed.
i look forward to meeting someone and going out on dates...

my main goals as of now, are too clean up my damn fucking mess of a room.
clean up my face and get some sexy good looking nice ass skin...
get my body in shape, and make some sexualness happen...
it's about time...

on to the next baby. do it do it do it.

oh and learn how to drive. =)

so fucking bored

i do not know what to do anymore at this point, i am so bored, so miserable, so overwhelmed, so pissed, so uninterested, so fucking tired, so over everything to the point that i almost want to cry.

i can not take it anymore, i do not know what to do at all, what is there to do?

i never completely know what it is that i want to do with my life, i continuously go back and forth looking for some form of path...do you know what i want to do? can you tell me what i should do? i do not want to deal with sales jobs that does not invovle real estate, i like the interaction of people but i have also thought about doing something relative to teaching...

teaching is an enjoyable profession. a respectable career field that will benefit everyone including myself, what i neeed to do is move forward with my life and finally make the decision that makes sense....i can not deal with anything more, i need to go back and having fun and find a bartending gig, hit the gym and make it happen...

school is so/so right now, by the end of the semester, i will be fine, and by the summer i will be a graduate....going into the city may or may not be the best move for me, it might be better for me to have a commitment of a car...and it might be major for me to drive...at least it would be something different that you are not used to and have not have done before...

i have been called the next great american philospher...

i have been called an upcoming comedian...

i have been called great.

it meant a lot to me and a lot of people that you would never know...

the idea of being a teacher is the direction i need to be focusing on....being a good guy, a cute guy, and a fun guy...

shit to do

i have a bunch of shit to do.

clean room entirely.

assess what is needed for my room:

mainly hampers and what not...especially needed for room to look complete...

all old clothes needs to be thrown out and everything needs to be taken care of...

room must be clean

and gym regiment must commence itself.


focus on school. and getting everything together...a.s.a.p.

the possibility of going to york college is still present if you wish to accept the goal of health teacher, however that would mean traveling to the bronx for lehman college in the future...

if you go back to hunter college, that would mean going for 3 years in order to obtain your italian teaching degree...

it is up to you, but the time is now to make the move necessary to be important and involved in your life....

so that was that...

you look back on what happened and you will not understand...

nobody will ever know what the truth was....

whatever scrub...

101 dalmations

i think i am making the right moves...

avoiding being bitchy...

and moving forward with what i need to do and what i want to become...

the only thing that makes sense to me is being a personality either on the radio or on t.v. ...i do not want to engage in anything else otherwise...i do think that it is time to become something greater and stronger...and with that said as a backup be an italian major so you can one day teach italian and be fluent in a language...

as i move forward with i need to move forward with, i think that that is a goal that should be worked toward...in the meantime it is not a bad idea to collect unemployment and do the do...

you know what you are doing and that is all that matters...

i have to do me.



lets move forward and move on. let's get the job at the cafe. and collect unemployment.

gay is the way.

i am not the city...

but i do want to work downtown and serve it up...

cause you know how i do...

all up in this with a bag of chips...

with a bag of chips...

with a bag of chips...

...of course they would.


all up in this. do you want to go to the store? and if you did what would you want to purchase? whhy would you want to purchase something of such a large quantity because you would be thirsty?

BEER bitches....

that's my shit....

i miss being 17.

i finally figured this one out.

so it is time to find a job off the books and in turn look for a sexy ass new unemployment method of payment...a nice steady clear income til graduation and some new shoes, clothes, and a new body and the ever important...blackberry era. bitch it's time.

you have solidified yourself the main match of the future...
and you are in the driver's seat...

make it happen sexy...you can do it...

i am confused.

idk what to do? i have been out of work for a week now and i do not know what to do....
i have many options but they seem to all be the same...

i do not have the patience to figure someting out, but not the financial income...

where does that take me? the possibility becomes that i need to find a job soon and get some reciprocal income, because i spend money like it is going out of style...

therefore, what should i do?

i eventually need to move out of my house so it might be a good idea to get my shit together and start waiting tables, because it opens the door for many possibilites for you for the future...

if you start waiting tables you will learn the business of bartending which is your ultimate goal...
why not do that downtown? i'm a waiter downtown. that sounds so fucking sexy...

i work at t-mobile downtown? this does not have the same nostalgia...i think we look forward to the next step and the next level, and it is time to get some serving jobs out there...do the damn thing.

in the meantime you can work at ann taylor as you cruise for new jobs in order to provide you with the groundwork needed to take advantage of what is needed....

if you work a few shifts a week, you will have cash money in your pocket and you can do the damn mother fuckign thing....do it do it do it do it.

make that money and turn it the fuck up.

waiter at downtown.

graduate after session 2

back to hunter.

major in italian and media studies...

5 years later then expected.

but you can accomplish some great things when you put your mind and head connected and looking up and forward.

you got this, go toward the future...

sugarcafe...baby.

s

so i dont know what the best move would be?

should i go get the job at a cafe? or should i go on that second interview at t-mobile?

idk what i am supposed to do, i almost hate the company...i love gill and julia, although they put me through the most horrid bullshit of my life and i hate them for that although i felt like a superstar in a lot of moments, and felt that i would reach farther than what anyone had expected...

idk i look forward to the future....and with that the turn of a new moment....i look forward to the best of my years to come and enjoying what might be the best of my days ever to happen and what will continue to happen....the only question is...what to do?

t-mobile? or moving on to waiting tables and doing that thing...and the question remains do you want to do that thing? or do you want to become the person that you always thought that you were...idk what is left to be expected? and what is what is needed to become the future?

now i am thinking...you should learn the business....you should learn the art of waiting tables so you can make a lot of money in the future and guarantee yourself money but maybe you like the art of sales and the enjoyment that you had from it...

i think right now you should stick with t-mobile, as much as u hate to admit it, you fucking love t-mobile and would love to still continue to work with the company...the thing is you have to make it a reality ....ya dig?

i guess u look forward to the future, take what you can get, and do the best that you can...only you can decide what is right and what is wrong and in that time only you can decide on the future...

you want to work for t-mobile, don't let them discourage you into thinking otherwise...who the fuck are they? some latin low lives that don't even know that the fuck they are doing considering the fact that you owned them? hello...fuck them. fuck them hard.

hello manhattan!

friends and love

sometimes you find yourself alone...
your only date is with facebook chat...

what do you do
?

find a friend, grab a glass of wine, listen to alicia...and make sweet hot passionate love to yourself...

for now..=)

lie about to your face, when their caught...

can't trust...

some people just talk way too much,

take my advice and listen up...

gather around.

blackberry era will now resume.

i look forward to the future...

i have decided that i am going to major in film and do the damn thing

have i always wanted to be a director? doubtful...

i also thought about journalism...so it would be fun.

still waiting

i am still waiting for the day where everything goes back to normal...

they day where something doesn't seem like the reciprication for the negativity that has been dealt prior...

i look forward to a new society...a new game and a new time....

there have been few and suttle times where i have found something that was irrelevant and took me to a new place and found myself again...

i need to move forward again in my life, not work as many hours as i had been...

and readjust my work schedule...i need to take classes that i enjoy, learn how to speak in them and move forward....

you do not enjoy any of your classes...
and you did not enjoy the politics at your job...

look forward to a city atmosphere which would be so good for me...
and look forward to taking classes that might actually engage you...

do not forget to work out and position yourself to clean up a bit...

do it do it do it.

an end is a new beginning...

i look forward to a new idea and a new venture moving forth...

it has been inconsequential for 4 months...

now it has become the reality that i need to look forward and find a new path...

i think that i have found some new experiences where i will look forward to being a part of...

LATER!

take care...see you soon...

and so it is...

unfortunately i could not forgive what sucky bullshit...

perhaps they had put too much pressure on me...

i tend to rise to the occasion....

all i know is that it is time to move ahead into the future...

pretend like it never happened...

stop eating like a gigantic fatass...

get into the groove of school...

and make your future happen...

can't be seen living at home forever...but you can make moves to ensure a better future,

do it up homeboy...

you only got a few more years left.

i wish i never met them

i wish i never met them, i wish they never opened my eyes to something that i was never aware of before...i wish that i knew what was left to be true...

was i right? was i the one whom they had encountered?

either way it was all about the angles....everything could have been perceived in any which way in order for it to have made a purpose...

either way you looked at it, it was either a opportunity to look played, or an opportunity that was real....either way that was how i chose to leave them and i guess that was the mark that i had given...

i move forward with new ideas and new thoughts and i look at this wisely and encourage the future...people ask me have i ever felt like shit? and the truth was i haven't.

i never felt the way that they wanted me to feel because i chose not to believe in that...

you could always find solace in your findings and relate them to an experience in which would achieve...something.

that's all that matters.

why mingle with insecurity...i have enough of my own thoughts to create a movement.

nobody can explain natural charisma or capability...why ruin natural selection?

you are here. get excited.

i move forward with new commitments, new goals, and a dream.

my dream is to live a succesful sex filled, very happy gay life.

i want gay friends, culture, and surroundings...i do not want any other entity to indulge in my path.

i want the future to not be calyss but the certainity to be strong.

a poet can only dream.

be:

seasonal or permanent?

have you been working your ass off to try and get to the top level? well yea.

i have been a consistent worker doing what it is expected of me to be the best performer that i can be, i think that i am finally getting to that point...

i need to take it to the next level and that is what i am doing, i believe that i have done enought within my environment to make it to the top...

consistently on the best in class list, and moving forward to bigger and better things...it is time for me to do the damn thing. i am so ready to take it to the next level, it is the time.

i want my offer letter, i want to be evaluated in a proper way in order for me to make the sales that i need to overcome the unexpected...

will i get the letter that i deserve? i sure hope so...i want to be made into a permanent employee already i feel that i deserve it...it is unfair for people to assume that i am not capable or that i am going to bring drama...

i am going to do the damn thing.

did i or didn't i?

we all know jobs aren't

no thanks.

so that was what was done?

it was so long ago, a lot of people have been there...

in the end, you made him cry...many a times...

in the end, you came out victorious.

that was all that needed to be remembered....

you still had a lot of money on you and with you that was all that matters...

since then you have accomplished a lot and that is all that needs to be remembered...

you became noticed...you became victorious...

you owned what you got and you did what you could and that was all that mattered....

be happy for life and be happy for future strength....

look forward to the future...not becoming anxious...

and just letting loose and just having fun...

in whatever way that means to you...

how many days have you just had fuun?

the summer of 04 was amazing...i ihad an amazing time....

smoke and fuck.

work and save.

study and pass.

get fit, get right, move forward...

idk anymore...

i started the job...miserable about the classes i was taking.

hated them.

you did really hate them.

hating your fucking job, where everyone thought you were crazy...

to getting fired...you kind of deserved to be.

and then...on top of it all...holy shit.

i just realized what my karma was....and how it wasn't real....

none of it was real...it was just a fantasy that we had created...when we linked together...

crazy times....all this time i wasted....all this time and never got the opportunity to do it and try it once again...all this fucking time...

yo yo yo....

just friendless.

not dumb...just friendless.

alright cool....

you have never been more attractive...

do i want to take myself out of the limelight?

do i need all the fucking attention?

one's a douche...

mymind works in many ways but other things do not work at the same time...

i have been feeling very lost lately...

but for some reason lately i feel slightly agressive

i dont know what's in the water...

i have become ovecome with agression typing endlessly in order to outlet rage...

do you believe in a man that overcomes his bullshig in order to perservere...

do people even believe in perserverance....

i would not become anything other than what you wanted me to be?

uugh ugh uggh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh....

it was incredible.

thanks to all of those who participated in the bullshit...

thanks to all of those who didn't respond...

it was an unhealthy atitude in the way in which they lived....

it's unfortunate....

when did i start hating everything

when did i start hating everything?

when did i become so overwhelmed by everyone...

when did work become the only thing that i think about and do...

when did school become a fucking chore...

when did i start to feel that i had completely lost my sanity?

you are about to graduate from school and you are #1 in your fucking market?

did you give up on your dream?

was that ever your dream?

when did you decide that you were not funny...

you have been hanging out with people where nobody makes you laugh...nobody.

i have become a new person and have decided that i want to change i want to make a change...

i am so proud of myself for handling myself in a way that was fun and amazing...

and looking forward to the future...

i move forward to the future, remembering that you are not normal, and you are not ghetto, but that you are just you and that is all that matters...

strength of self.

who are you?

a bengali infused blue collar italian man who will never be satisfied...

a bisexual flirt....

a chosen character...

you are capable....you are strong....you are better from that night ironically.

i did not want to be famous, i just wanted to be strong...

making a future for yourself is the gateway to a new idea...

he still has time to grow

so after all,

a future was born.

a star was ready to be captured...

and the rest would remain to be untold...

what was left of the story?

nothing...because he's dead.

simple dig....dude.

don't let it get to you...

allow yourself the opportunity to become stronger in what you become...

learn to enjoy the lessons of your past and enjoy the future...

soo tired of the digs

i am soo tired of everyone and everything at my current location...

i do not fit in there...

i am tired of going to work and feeling like the outcast...

i have always got along with people that i worked with...

everybody is always telling me things and telling me lies, not wanting me to succeed....

i have one guy that is probably fucking the manager at this point...

who always gets recognition and i am so fucking tired of it...who's store really is it?

i dont want to be apart of this store anymore because they are going to take over something that i do not even want to be apart of...

i love my job, i love the money, but i am so tired of everyone else...

i do not want to leave, and i do not understand how i would deserve to leave...because it is not fair...

i want to be the best and i was the best...i am so fed up...

fed up with the forced position that i am in....am i not supposed to be in control?

why can't i be in a position to be on top?

please tell me why i consistently get treated the way that i do...

i am tired of feeling uncomfortable at my own damn job....

so fucking tired of it...

it is time for me to move on and move forward...perhaps as a sales lead somewhere where i deserve to be...

i am so fucking fed up ...i understand that i am seasonal status....but i deserve to be made permanent....i deserve to be on top and get some damn recognition...

finally. finally. finally.

maybe i am acting up...but i think that the future holds something for me...

i begin my final semester at laguardia next week and i will then move forward with my teaching degree....i will become a respectable member of society and hold a damn job and make the moves that i need to become successful...

it is only a matter of time before i become the person i want to be...and that will hold my future...

i look forward...

to the end but until that time...i do not understand what else is in store...

i knew that

i miss fun.

i want something new...

ew.

you bring everybody down....

lame ass.

good always beats evil

whhy are you pretending to enjoy this?

why are you pretending to like this?

why do you even care?

what is the point?

why does it matter?

do you really think that this is fun?

what the fuck is wrong with you?

why are you doing this?

who would allow pretention to start over again?

and are we serious.....













now that nobody cares.













let's become someone that does not matter...













did it really scare you of the possibility?



fun. fun. fun. fun.


i am pretty sure that he wanted to kill him because that is what would have happened or something along those lines...

i did not know what the hell was going on and idd not need to focus on that bullshit it was a waste of time that should have not been such a dork


so moving forward with all the beatiful love....i move forward on my own by myself and without any future dated knowledge...

look toward the future...

if you can keep your positive atitude...

and maintain a healthy apetite for the future...

you can do it!

i take risks...

i took a risk today, i hope that is pans out...i dont want them to think that i am acting a certain way that woud negatively effect the business...

you have to look at it this way...you have three weeks to step it up and show them that you do not have an atitude problem...and that you are the one that needs to be taken to the next level....

be the man that you are....not the funny guy that sometimes gets you into trouble...

i told you....you would....

of course...

being made fun of...

is not the best situation to be in...

i feel like i lost a lot of my heart in that experience...

unfortunately i lost a lot of my mind....

i would rather go crazy then lose what i am...

and what i was was one fun mother fucker....